There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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