I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
me + whiskey = a bad person
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
