Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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