I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
