i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
