Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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