Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I need moral support for this bender
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
