How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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