I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
