peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
