wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
