He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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