i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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