as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
