So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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