A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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