Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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