he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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