i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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