I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
