Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
