it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
