I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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