dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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