i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
