Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
