I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
