Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
