Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
