I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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