Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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