I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I AM VODKA MAN
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
