Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
