where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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