i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
