Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
