I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Drake has all the answers
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
