hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
And then my night got REAL pukey
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
