So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Randomize
