glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
