his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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