I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
