he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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