My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Where is the hickey?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
