his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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