That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
