Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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