if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
