they need to just BURY HIM!
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
