dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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