The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
